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This is not an express route. Where ever my mind travels to, the blog will ride shotgun.
This journey is mainly fuelled by humour!

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Showing posts with label Flu. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Flu. Show all posts

Monday, March 10, 2014

Goodbye Friends!



(Note:  Without my knowledge, Christiane had post on the blog. It so emotion charge and beautiful that I want to make sure to share it... To say the least, I'm a little uncomfortable from getting flowers. You can get there by clicking here.) ) 

Dear Blog-her and blog-his,

This morning I have the regret to announce you this might be my last post ever. Last week, I was so excited… the blog’s membership was about to grow into the double digits. But life is not always fair, right?

I probably shouldn’t even take the time to write this, but all your encouraging and touching comments were highlights in my life!

If you post comments, I might not be answering as I might be busy with my funeral arrangements. Since Friday, I suffer from a cold, I don’t see a light yet, and all I see is Contact C. Not that anyone asked but my nose is running faster than my cat; I’m so hot with fever that there is no need to turn up the heat in the house; my throat must have Soda crackers stuck in it; my wife, the cancer-patient, is taking care of ME!

I just hope that I have enough in my good-deed account to pay off my credit bad-deed card, it would surely help when I get to the traffic-police-in-the-sky (you know the big Guy).

Don’t feel bad for me; I had a great life, I married at 18, had 2 daughters and a female cat, but I assure you other than that, my life was great (just so you know, I might have to pay dearly for that joke!)

If I have one regret is that last week I had my eyes checked at Costco and I payed in full for my glasses, which I might never use!

The end (might be literally)

To keep with the blog’s spirit, here is some humour.  I don’t think it’s that funny but I might not be the best judge right now?

Man Flu - The Facts...

1. Man-Flu is more painful than childbirth. This is an irrefutable scientific fact (Based on a survey of over 100,000 men.)

2. Man-Flu is not 'just a cold'. It is a condition so severe that the germs from a single Man-Flu sneeze could wipe out entire tribes of people living in the rainforest. And probably loads of monkeys too.

3. Women do not contract Man-Flu. At worst they suffer from what is medically recognised as a 'Mild Girly Sniffle' which, if a man caught, he would still be able to run, throw a ball, tear the phone book in half and compete in all other kinds of manly activities.

4. Men do not 'moan' when they have Man-Flu. They emit involuntary groans of agony that are entirely in proportion to the unbearable pain they are in.

5. Full recovery from Man-Flu will take place much quicker if their simple requests for care, sympathy and regular cups of tea are met. Is that really so much to ask? Florence Nightingale would have done it

6. More men die each year from MFN (Man-Flu Neglect) than lots and lots of other things. (Like rabbit attacks or choking on toast).

7. Men suffering from Man-Flu want nothing more than to get out of bed and come to work, but they are too selfless to risk spreading this awful condition amongst their friends and colleagues. In this sense, they are the greatest heroes this country has ever known.

8. In 1982 scientists managed to simulate the agonising symptoms of full blown Man-Flu in a female chimp. She became so ill that her head literally fell off.

9. Man-Flu germs are more powerful than He-Man, The Thundercats and The A-Team combined. They are too strong for weak, nasty tasting 'lady medicines' like Lemsip, so don't bother trying to force them on a victim of Man-Flu.

10. While it may seem like a Man-Flu sufferer is just laying around enjoying 'Diagnosis Murder' it is a commonly recognised medical fact that the exact pitch and frequency of Dick Van Dyke's voice has remarkable soothing powers.

Every minute in this country one man is struck down by Man-Flu. Women, all we ask is that each of you offers them a cup of tea, some kind words and your undivided attention and care. Then maybe, just maybe, we'll beat this monstrous disease together.