For laughing out loud

When I’m not writing, I’m reading, and this week I read one post from my BBFF Carolyn (amigoingsomeplace) it was a poem written by fishducky that you can read here. It’s about her left breast mastectomy and I laughed so much that I had to stop and clean my glasses several times.

I am reading the whole fishducky blog from the start and I find it so amusing, here a sample of her content (Warning do NOT eat or drink while reading the following and it might be a good idea to pee first!):

In order to keep English from becoming a dead language, it must keep up with the times. Therefore, I propose adding these new definitions/adjustments to our current dictionaries. 

I've included this small section just for women:

Argument n.  A discussion that occurs when you're right & continues until he realizes it.

Blonde jokes n.  Jokes short enough for men to understand.

Cantaloupe n.  Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer n.  An appliance designed to eat socks.

Eternity n.  The last two minutes of a football game.

Park v/n.  Before children, a verb meaning "to go somewhere & neck".  After children, a noun meaning "a place with swings & a slide".

A sample of the rest of the dictionary:

Abasement n.  Where a furnace is located.

Abdicate n.  To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Acre n.  Someone that aches.

Arbitrator n.  A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds.

Artery n.  The study of paintings.

Avoidable v.  What a toreador tries to do.

Bacteria n.  The back door of a cafeteria.

Balderdash n.  A rapidly receding hairline.

Barbarian adj.  Belonging or related to Barbara.

Barium n.  What doctors recommend when their patients die.

Benign adj.  What you be after you be eight.

Bide v.  Past tense of to buy.

Biology n.  The scientific study of the number two.

Burglarize n.  What a crook sees with.

Caesarean section n.  High rent district in Rome.

Carnation n.  A country where each citizen owns an automobile.
Catatonic n.  A feline medication.

Cat scan n.  A search for your wandering kitty.

Catacomb n.  What a feline uses to straighten its hair.

Cauterize v.  Made eye contact with her.

Circumvent n.  An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Coffee n.  The person upon whom one coughs.

Colander n.  Someone who arrives with you on the same plane.

Colic n.  A breed of sheep dog.

Counterfeiters n.  Workers who install kitchen cabinets.

Dilate n.  To live a long life.

Diode n.  Two very long poems.

Eclipse n.  What a Cockney barber does for a living.

Esplanade n.  To attempt an explanation while drunk.

Exercise n.  Her former body measurements.

Eyedropper n.  A clumsy opthalmologist.

Flabbergasted adj.  Appalled by realizing how much weight one has gained.

Flatulence n.  Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

Gargoyle n.  Olive flavored mouthwash.

Goad v.  Past tense of to go.

Hamletn.  A small pig.
Human n.  An automatic door opener for cats.

Impotent adj.  Distinguished, well known.

Incommodious n.  Unable to find a vacant bathroom in time. 

Infantry n.  Where mother birds lay their eggs.

Liquor n.  How a male animal cleans his mate.

Lymph v.  To walk with a lisp.

Malediction n.  The way men talk.

Maritime n.  The hour of a wedding. 

Medieval adj.  Not completely bad.
Myth n.  A female moth.

Negligent adj.  Absentmindedly answering the door wearing only a nightgown.

Nitrates  n.  Cheaper than day rates.
Node v.  Having prior knowledge.

Octopus  n.  A cat with eight legs.

Outpatient n.  Someone who has fainted in a doctor's office.

Oyster n.  Someone who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish phrases.

Parasites n.  What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Phony adj.  Related to telephones.

Quires n.  Instructional papers groups of singers hold while performing. 

Rectitude n.  The dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

Reintarnation n.  Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Relief v.  What trees do in the spring.

Scurrilous adj.  In an excited state (normally used to describe rodents).

Season n.  Male offspring of Poseidon.

Seizure n.  An alcoholic Roman emperor.

Sudafed v.  Brought a lawsuit against a government official.

Synonym n.  A linguist's favorite spice on baked apples.

Syntax n.  A tariff on immorality.

Testicle n.  A short quiz.

Tooth adj.  The ordinal number for two.

Tumor n.  One more than one more.

Urine v/n.  (A baseball term.)  The opposite of "Yer out!"

Job-less in Moncton?

My hands are shaking, I’m sweating, my sight is getting blurry, after almost a week without posting on the blog, and I’m having blog post withdrawal symptoms! I have been updating Facebook, but I stayed away from the blogs. I didn’t even read some of my favourite fellow blogger’s post nor commented on anything… today will be a day for catching up.

Yesterday was an emotionally charged day… Julie was being interviewed for a position at the University of Ottawa!

She has been working on a 3 year contract in Moncton (New-Brunswick).  We were very happy for her to have gotten this opportunity but we were sad to see her working so far from our hearts. As of now, her contract is ending at the end of March and might not be renewed.

Since she has accumulated leave, her last full week of work should be this week, next week she has 2 days of sitting on the senate committee where they are about to vote on some really important policy changes at the University of Moncton.

At this point, I don’t think anyone in Moncton is expecting her to do much work… however she is still doing her normal work load and is professional till the end. She also has to juggle between her priorities and her employer’s.

We are not worried about her, she has money put aside in an emergency fund in case she loses her job and she will also be eligible for unemployment for almost a year. We also know that she will not be unemployed long.  I remembered she took ONE summer off after obtaining her bachelor degree, but has been working ever since. Even while undertaking her master degree she was working.  When she completed it, she had money in the bank… and was NOT in debt.

Before leaving for Moncton after her master, she paid cash for a car and still had money in the bank that would make people in their fifties, jealous! What I’m really saying is that she is one responsible woman!

Yesterday her interview was being done via skype. I assume all of you know what skype is… She had first asked her boss if she could do this interview in one of the conference room. Being a prepared person, she brought a laptop, headsets (she had 2 pairs), extra video cam and in case there was a problem with the headsets, the laptop has a built-in speaker.

She got called at the pre-arranged time but she couldn’t hear them and they had problem hearing her… not the best way to start an interview! They ended up calling her and using skype only to see each other. On the Ottawa side there was a committee for the interview, so I imagine they had a speaker phone to be able to hear Julie.

After the interview, Julie wrote to us that it didn’t go as well as she would have thought. You know when you are interviewed you always feel like you failed, like you could have said more or said something differently… but Daddy knows best and I was sure she did just great and the next hour proved me right!

An hour after her interview, she received an email asking her to come in person for an interview and to give a presentation in Ottawa; on Friday March 7^th.  They will foot the bill for her air fare. This is when her priorities were being tested… She had the senate committee meeting on March 6 and 7^th and now she was asked to be in Ottawa for the 7^th… She had to decide whether she would ask the interviewer if she could reschedule the interview in Ottawa or not go to the Senate committee meeting. To me, it was not even close to being a choice. At this point, she has to take all the chances she can get. She would have been happy to stay in Moncton and have a long career but since it will probably not happen, she has to put herself first.

I see it a little like a hockey player, once he is told that he is being traded to another team he will not be playing that night.  He is expected to go to the dressing room and pick up his equipment. It doesn’t mater if he loveD his former team! He is now moving on and has to set his priorities straight, himself first, his future team second and third clear his locker!

After several hours of emailing back and forth with us, Julie decided to skip one day of the committee meeting and come to Ottawa for her formal interview and presentation. Her flight is already booked; I think she is really excited to be close to Mom, paw and her little sister, who happens to be working at the University of Ottawa.

If she doesn’t get the job… there might be a homeless shelter in Julie’s future! Ya right!

The landlord lady

Model at work!

Our daughter, Caroline, flew away from the nest last year and bought herself a 2 bedroom condo in June 2013. What an accomplishment these days at such a young age (25)! We are so proud of her!

Until then she had lived with us, no one was in a hurry for her and the cat to leave as we were approaching retirement anyway. I read somewhere that when you want your grown up kids to leave the house, you just start walking around the house naked and it usually does the trick! Now ladies, no pictures, this is not that kind of blog! For us there was no rush; we all gained from this arrangement, Caroline got a roof over her head and food on the table and we got an extra body to do chores! : ).

When we retired in September 2012 we just took off for Florida for the winter, knowing that Caroline would take good care of the house. See, another benefit from having her living with us!

Last summer we sold our house at about the same time she bought her condo. We gave her some of our stuff, stored a lot more in her shed and in her condo for the summer for our upcoming move to Florida. The main thing we gave her was our washer and dryer. Now you might wonder why this is the prized possession? Well, being homeless : ), except for our model park in Val-des-Bois and our condo in Florida, we had our sight on using her guest bedroom once in a while when we came to town and do laundry and of course visit our beloved cat and her too (in case she reads this... not in that order) :).

Look it's mine!

Before returning to Florida in the fall of 2013 we got the bad news that Christiane had breast cancer and we could not leave for Florida. Since there is no running water in the winter in Val des Bois, Caroline welcomed us in her condo for the winter. She even offered us her master bedroom which we declined, her guest bedroom is plenty enough. Boy! Are we glad we were not too mean to her when she was growing up!

While navigating our way through the cancer route, we learned that Christiane’s treatments we’ll add a big detour and a few speed bumps in our life with all the treatments to go through and it will not be until the spring or summer 2015 until we are back in the driver seat of our life. Ok, somebody stop me and put the brakes on these car metaphors! It’s driving me crazy! : )

Well, of course, we did tease her and her sister a lot throughout the years. When I was teasing them to the extreme, Christiane would remind me to be careful as our daughters are the one who will decide which retirement home we’ll end up in one day; when to unplug us and there is always that doom day when diaper becomes a new and fun way of discovering their parents! So true! So I would dial it down… for a while.

So, this winter 2013/2014 and the winter of 2014/2015 Caroline’s home is our home. To her it is quite normal; she doesn’t see it as a sacrifice. Of course we could rent a small studio for the coming year, but Caroline insists that we just crash at her place. She wants to be there for Christiane in her fight against cancer and to take care of me while I take care of her mom. She is a beautiful an extraordinary young woman with a heart of gold! She is generous to a fault, charming as hell and so funny! And single… Again, potential boyfriends need only to apply with dad.

It’s weighing on us sometimes to know that Caroline is stuck with us when she could be living her life, having her condo to herself, listening to her noise (she calls THAT music ha ha ha), having all her space. Her guest bedroom was supposed to be a video game room and art studio, now it’s our bedroom. We also use so much space throughout her condo, her pharmacy, walk-in closet, etc. even in her master bedroom since we bought some ergonomic chairs for us to use in her living room and moved her loveseat to her master bedroom!

Caroline keeps telling us how grateful she is for what we do for her! She arrives from work and supper is almost always ready, we do household chores (yah I see the irony here), errands, etc. which to us is just normal but she sees it as a bonus. She never makes us feel like we’re a burden. She is an amazing young woman with a big heart. During the holiday season she had cupcakes for the bus driver! She threw a Christmas party for her friends and had a thoughtful personal gift for everyone. She had even asked them to wear something pink in a show of support for her mom, which they did. If a pet needs babysitting while someone is on vacation, Super Caroline comes to the rescue! What a woman!

Thanks for everything Caroline! We are so proud of you!

Pawpaw

No brownies Point!

"I was kicked out of the Boy Scouts for eating a Brownie" - Unknown

I don’t like to give advice, but this one time, I’ll do an exception: If you go to Costco and you see the box of two-bite brownies walk run away! Do not look back, do not slow down, go straight to the customer service and return your card, you will not want to go back to the store ever!

You might be thinking: “I wonder what bug bit him today?” You are wrong! It is winter, there are NO bugs! I’m just trying to prevent all of you from doing one of the worse mistake of your life, ever! Let me tell you my story…

Last Tuesday, we decided to go back to Val-des-Bois. We needed propane and the cheapest place to buy it is at Costco. So on our way, we stopped, and since we were at Costco, we walked in the store to get a few items. So far, there is nothing to blog about except that I walked by the bakery. Usually I’m pretty good and just go and smell the bread. So far in my 53 years and 357 days *wink* *wink* of existence, I have resisted but this time I looked at one of the box of brownies and I reasoned why not, the expiry date is in March and we will have a little sweet to sweeten our meals.

They look innocent... Don't trust the look!

BIG MISTAKE! We arrived at our home for lunch, Christiane had made some sandwiches and we enjoyed them. I looked at the box of brownies and decided to try one… Oh my Gosh! They were the perfect brownies! I ate the first one, they are two-bite brownie and I tried to respect the suggestion and ate only half of one… then I had all those sensations coming to my brain telling me that my life will be changed forever! They were so moist and so chocolaty, every bits coming down was like an orgasmic delight.

Hey Christiane where is my missing half?

Looking at my wife, I could tell she was also having similar a experience. I slowly reached for another one, Christiane followed my lead and helped herself… we ate 3 brownies! We could have expedited the whole box down our digestive track. The whole time it was so quiet, all you could hear was hummmm hummm, we kept looking at each other hoping the other one would take one more, so the other could just do the same and feel no guilt!

Thinking back, we should have ate the whole thing at once, this way we might have hit (the box) bottom, but we let reason guide us…

I found myself spending a lot of time thinking about the BROWNIES. For me it was so much easier to say NO to drugs. I NEVER even had a puff of pot, if I ever took any (illigal) drugs, it would have been without me knowing it, maybe in something like a brownie (from Colorado:)), but I’m pretty sure it never happened. 

But those brownies, they are addictive for sure, every time you take one, you are trying to re-live the first time you had them. I’m thinking about going to detox and register for the 12-step Brownies-holics program, which is: NEVER be more than 12 steps away from brownies. I would give up brownies, but I’m no quitter!

Not a two-bite, it's a bite-two!

On another subject, I just read one of the blog I follow.  You have to check it out, it's  Murr , I was sitting by myself reading it and laughed so much I was crying!
 

Feeding our dear guests

Yesterday, we had guests coming to our home; we didn’t have much food for them so I made a trip to the village to make sure to have something delicious and nutritive for them.

Once back to our place I realized I didn’t have a recipe book and there were no recipe on the bag so I improvised…

Ingredient: a 60 pounds bag of corn

Instruction:

Pour 3-4 pounds of corn in a basket 

Let cool down outside for 1 hour

At this time, I was starting to worry about the whole idea… should I add salt? What about Butter? After all, I always have salt and butter with MY corn!

But if you feed them, they will come.  Our first deer visitor showed up just when the corn was ready. A few minutes later, the second one arrived; they didn’t mind having to share the basket!

After a few pictures, they left, they forgot their manner and didn’t say thank you but we won’t hold a grudge… We still have over 55 pounds of corn for them!

Here's a joke we saw on a cartoon almost 30 years ago:

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.

Well, he said, 'It's what mummy calls me sometimes'.

The little girl screams to her brother Willy: “Spit it out Willy, it's an asshole!” 

Look at that, even a small video this morning :)

Mium Mium!

Is that for me?

Wait for me!

2 heads are better than one!

I'll keep watch... 

Hey I think I heard a "click"

Happy winter!

We came back to town for a whole day and then we returned to our little frozen paradise... We decided that we will be spending as much time as we can here, nothing wrong with the city but we really enjoy the slower pace of life in our frozen land! 

My favorite season is winter! I don’t care if it’s colder, if it snows, if it is icy, I just love all of it.

Just to paint you a picture of what I see while I’m writing this blog:

I have a perfect view of a mountain, there are snow flakes coming down, just a few at a time, you can almost count them. Across the frozen lake, I can see some traffic on the main road, like the flakes they are going slowly. White is every where except for some green on the evergreen trees.

In our castle, we are warm and cozy, there is no one around, even the road is blocked so it means every thing we need or want has to be carried. My back is thankful that we just bought a little sleigh to carry everything in: water, propane, food, and all the other necessities (our necessities).

This afternoon we might read, watch TV (we brought the last season of Dexter), build a fire… who knows! I’m planning to go back to the village and get some deer feed. That is pretty much the only visit we will get and we would not want to be inhospitable and not feed our guests.   

Easy does it!

This is our view! Priceless!

Even in the frozen-land the sun rises

Natural fiber optic

Waiting for customers

Don't you think I have a cool hat?

Richard, get more logs

My soles/soul are warm!