Goodbye Friends!

(Note:  Without my knowledge, Christiane had post on the blog. It so emotion charge and beautiful that I want to make sure to share it... To say the least, I'm a little uncomfortable from getting flowers. You can get there by clicking here.) ) 

Dear Blog-her and blog-his,

This morning I have the regret to announce you this might be my last post ever. Last week, I was so excited… the blog’s membership was about to grow into the double digits. But life is not always fair, right?

I probably shouldn’t even take the time to write this, but all your encouraging and touching comments were highlights in my life!

If you post comments, I might not be answering as I might be busy with my funeral arrangements. Since Friday, I suffer from a cold, I don’t see a light yet, and all I see is Contact C. Not that anyone asked but my nose is running faster than my cat; I’m so hot with fever that there is no need to turn up the heat in the house; my throat must have Soda crackers stuck in it; my wife, the cancer-patient, is taking care of ME!

I just hope that I have enough in my good-deed account to pay off my credit bad-deed card, it would surely help when I get to the traffic-police-in-the-sky (you know the big Guy).

Don’t feel bad for me; I had a great life, I married at 18, had 2 daughters and a female cat, but I assure you other than that, my life was great (just so you know, I might have to pay dearly for that joke!)

If I have one regret is that last week I had my eyes checked at Costco and I payed in full for my glasses, which I might never use!

The end (might be literally)

To keep with the blog’s spirit, here is some humour.  I don’t think it’s that funny but I might not be the best judge right now?

Man Flu - The Facts...

1. Man-Flu is more painful than childbirth. This is an irrefutable scientific fact (Based on a survey of over 100,000 men.)

2. Man-Flu is not 'just a cold'. It is a condition so severe that the germs from a single Man-Flu sneeze could wipe out entire tribes of people living in the rainforest. And probably loads of monkeys too.

3. Women do not contract Man-Flu. At worst they suffer from what is medically recognised as a 'Mild Girly Sniffle' which, if a man caught, he would still be able to run, throw a ball, tear the phone book in half and compete in all other kinds of manly activities.

4. Men do not 'moan' when they have Man-Flu. They emit involuntary groans of agony that are entirely in proportion to the unbearable pain they are in.

5. Full recovery from Man-Flu will take place much quicker if their simple requests for care, sympathy and regular cups of tea are met. Is that really so much to ask? Florence Nightingale would have done it

6. More men die each year from MFN (Man-Flu Neglect) than lots and lots of other things. (Like rabbit attacks or choking on toast).

7. Men suffering from Man-Flu want nothing more than to get out of bed and come to work, but they are too selfless to risk spreading this awful condition amongst their friends and colleagues. In this sense, they are the greatest heroes this country has ever known.

8. In 1982 scientists managed to simulate the agonising symptoms of full blown Man-Flu in a female chimp. She became so ill that her head literally fell off.

9. Man-Flu germs are more powerful than He-Man, The Thundercats and The A-Team combined. They are too strong for weak, nasty tasting 'lady medicines' like Lemsip, so don't bother trying to force them on a victim of Man-Flu.

10. While it may seem like a Man-Flu sufferer is just laying around enjoying 'Diagnosis Murder' it is a commonly recognised medical fact that the exact pitch and frequency of Dick Van Dyke's voice has remarkable soothing powers.

Every minute in this country one man is struck down by Man-Flu. Women, all we ask is that each of you offers them a cup of tea, some kind words and your undivided attention and care. Then maybe, just maybe, we'll beat this monstrous disease together. 

Good time in Italy!

As you might notice, the appearance of my blog has drastically improved. It was done by an expert who offered a free consultation to re-design it as a birthday gift. Please let me know if you see anything that could be improved.

I like to thank this expert who happens to be my very own daughter Caroline :)

Honey did I have too much Vino?

  

Leaning at the top of the leaning tower!

 While serving in the military, Christiane and I spent a lot of time in Italy. We attended several courses at the NATO school located at an Italian base in Latina, which is between Rome and Naples.

St-Peter Square in Rome

Vesuvius - Naples is between the volcano and the Mediterranean Sea

In the spring of 1983, we had driven from Germany to Italy to attend one of those courses. The course was about crypto Equipment, so I can’t tell you much about it. It was in a part of the school that was secured and no one could go in without their valid ID card. Before starting class, a teacher would come out and get us. We would be waiting in the hallway until the door opened.

Those were great courses! We couldn’t take any study material out, so we never had any homework to do!

One Friday afternoon, we were told we would be given a test first thing Monday morning.

At the time, we were staying in an Italian hotel downtown Latina. I don’t remember much about the weekend but I remembered that Sunday we decided to go and have supper at the restaurant in the hotel. When we walked in the restaurant, the place was unusually empty. Our Italian language skill was pretty much limited to shopping and ordering food. So we ate and went back to our room.

View from our hotel room in Latina

 Monday morning, we drove to school, when we got to the waiting area in the hallway; we were the ONLY ones there.  We were confused as we usually were the first ones there. “Where is everyone?” we were asking ourselves. We rang the bell to gain access to the secured classrooms and found out that this particular weekend happened to be the spring time change… the time had moved ahead by one hour! grrrrr

Small Italian fishing village between Latina and Naples

Inside the coliseum in Rome, lucky for us... No lion!

Timely letter

Mr/Mrs Government,

Tomorrow we are collectively going to move ahead… by an hour. In 9 months, we are moving back by an hour… next spring we are moving ahead by an hour… RIDICULOUS!

This traveling clock was first adopted to replace artificial lighting so we could save fuel for the war effort against Germany during World War I… You might not look at the news much but that war is over!

There are many countries, states and one province in Canada that are not manipulating their clock twice a year… why not us?  

In my case, this back and forth has happened 108 times… I don’t remember the first few times but I’m sure to my mom it must have been infuriating to explain to her infant son he has to sleep one more or one less hour before getting his milk because of this non-sense! 

What would happen if we kept the clock from jumping back and forth?

Would the economy suffer?

Would our country fall in the ocean?

Would the sun stop for an hour to make sure we are on the right time?

For this instance, I will be the one making a promise, whoever pledges to stop this twice-a-year-time-travelling will get my vote in the next election!

I don’t really care about any other issues because you are putting your spin on them.  But if you think about it, to unwind this change would cost nothing, and while you debate this issue for several days you will not be miss-managing the economy, so it will be a win-win situation.

I would have time-stamped this letter… but once it is stamped there is no back and forth!

On time, yours truly,

Richard

Politically correct

 

This week, the government of Quebec decided to launch an election. I already have my mind set on who I will vote for and I’m not shy and will tell you: No One! I will not vote… some people would say that I don’t do my civil duties, I have this to say about that: “phliftlllllll”, all right maybe I could try to voice it better.

On Facebook, I was saying that I have as much respect for politicians as I have for dirty dishes in the sink! However, I had to retract myself because it wasn’t fair… for the dishes! After all you can always clean the dishes.

I really think that politicians are really good at one thing: Manipulating the population. To me the only issue that would be worth listening would be quiet promises, like they don’t make them! This will get MY vote!

An ideal speech would go like this:

“Dear Sirs and Sir-ettes, Elect us and I take the engagement that my wife and I and those guys standing behind the curtain will do NOTHING for the next 4-5 years.

We are not going to do a shopping spree to re-furnish the house of common; we are not going on trips at your expenses; if we have to eat while not doing anything, we will bring a lunch! If we have visitors, we might order from Subway.

The red carpet doesn’t need to be changed, we will have it cleaned by Bob carpet cleaner, this being out in the open, we won’t need to accept bribe to give this contract to a company that over prices.

Furthermore, since we are doing as little as possible, we won’t increase your tax, the money that is coming in will go to pay some of the debt.

After our day at the office, when walking out, we will empty our own garbage can and turn off the light.

We will issue some clothing article to the senators: mittens, hats, parka, and polar boots because we are going to cut down the heat in the senate. If they complain about this, we will help them fill-up the unemployment questionnaire.

All limousines will be returned. We have been telling everyone to take the bus, let’s lead by example.

For those who don’t get it and want to make a donation to our party… send your money to the Red Cross, they are there when you need them, not really the case for us politicians!

If you hear my message it won’t be by a pricy advertisement on prime time TV, nor from a sign on someone’s lawn; it might be a friend telling you: “Hey you have to listen to future president/Prime Minister Richard, he promises NOTHING!”” 

Open letter

Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one.

Thomas Paine

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_government.html#WOYxprjIg0FmjWB7.99

Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one.

Thomas Paine

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_government.html#WOYxprjIg0FmjWB7.99

Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one.

Thomas Paine

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_government.html#WOYxprjIg0FmjWB7.99

Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worse state, an intolerable one. 

- Thomas Paine    

Dear Mr/Mrs government,

For almost half a century, I have been paying my fair share of income tax. Since you seem to have a wax problem in your ear canals and can’t hear the “people”, I decided to write to you instead. This could be a 50 page long letter but I also believe you have an ADD, don’t pay Attention (to the) DEFICIT Disorder; I’ll be brief today and just write on one topic, I’m so confident that you will welcome my input in our country’s politic that from time to time I’ll write back.

In the latest budget, you have talked about getting our country into a balanced budget, and you have further added that to accomplish your goal you would decrease YOUR expenses.

From what I can see, you changed your mind, you are still spending faster and faster; what you are doing is increasing your income. Being a government, increased income equals getting more taxes from us… and by doing so, decreasing OUR spending power!   

On TV we can see all of you being so proud of yourself for getting the country on track toward a balanced target, you will even tell reporters: “We are so happy, we are showing off that if we all work together we can manage the finance in a responsible way, blah blah blah…” Meanwhile what we don’t see in the background is the post budget party where Champagne and caviar is an all-you-can-eat-and-drink marathon, paid for from MY taxes…

You might think I am just a whiner but just let me break down for you those times when I have to open my wallet to send you money:

I pay Income Tax, Municipal tax, School tax. On that threesome, you are pretty imaginative… sometimes what you do is pass on some expenses to the municipal level, which will turn around and increase my Municipal tax, you could have just come directly to my pocket, but it look so much better if you send someone else there, doesn’t it? I can assure you, I noticed! The municipality on the other hand always welcome an increase in value of our property; the tax rate is directly linked to that value, so the end result is that the tax is increased. The school tax follows the Municipal tax lead…

If I buy a house: there is a special tax, it is cynically called the “Welcome tax”. I’ll also pay taxes on the lawyer fees, on the transfer of the title fee (which fees are going to you), on the movers and on any other time I open my wallet to get the new home.

We also have tax on booze.  This is really a sneaky tax as we don’t really know how much it is. Every store has to display the price of the items without showing the tax, and then when you get to the register, you pay the item price plus the tax. For the booze you control the store… so when we get to the register, there is no tax added, it is already in the hang-over price! This really looks like organized crime to me! All I know it’s a really expensive tax, for example, if I buy a bottle of wine here I might pay $ 15; the same bottle in the states is $ 7… So there is an 8 dollar tax on the bottle… it is more than 100 % tax (maybe that explains why you don’t want us to see the tax at the cash register)!         

We also have tax on goods; those are everywhere, the list is endless, from restaurants to grocery stores, you take a large chunk. You even charge tax on fee that are going to your own wallet like driving licenses, stamps, speeding tickets (which I don’t get), etc.

 

I even go the extra mile and from time to time buy lottery tickets which the profit is still going into your oversize-bottomless-wallet.

I don’t want to be just a complainer so I want to bring some suggestions:

First thing I think you could do is get a smaller wallet. If I were you, I would consider buying one locally, this way whoever sells it to you would have to pay income tax on their profit and you could also wave the sale tax.

In my household, if I need more money to balance MY budget, I get a second job… Have you thought about asking our neighbour countries if they would not want to get some services you could provide for a fee? Maybe the gate needs painting! 

As a last resort, you could decrease YOUR expenses. For example, at the post budget’s party you could serve Canada Dry and pigs in a blanket!

Yours truly,

Richard

For laughing out loud

When I’m not writing, I’m reading, and this week I read one post from my BBFF Carolyn (amigoingsomeplace) it was a poem written by fishducky that you can read here. It’s about her left breast mastectomy and I laughed so much that I had to stop and clean my glasses several times.

I am reading the whole fishducky blog from the start and I find it so amusing, here a sample of her content (Warning do NOT eat or drink while reading the following and it might be a good idea to pee first!):

In order to keep English from becoming a dead language, it must keep up with the times. Therefore, I propose adding these new definitions/adjustments to our current dictionaries. 

I've included this small section just for women:

Argument n.  A discussion that occurs when you're right & continues until he realizes it.

Blonde jokes n.  Jokes short enough for men to understand.

Cantaloupe n.  Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer n.  An appliance designed to eat socks.

Eternity n.  The last two minutes of a football game.

Park v/n.  Before children, a verb meaning "to go somewhere & neck".  After children, a noun meaning "a place with swings & a slide".

A sample of the rest of the dictionary:

Abasement n.  Where a furnace is located.

Abdicate n.  To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Acre n.  Someone that aches.

Arbitrator n.  A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds.

Artery n.  The study of paintings.

Avoidable v.  What a toreador tries to do.

Bacteria n.  The back door of a cafeteria.

Balderdash n.  A rapidly receding hairline.

Barbarian adj.  Belonging or related to Barbara.

Barium n.  What doctors recommend when their patients die.

Benign adj.  What you be after you be eight.

Bide v.  Past tense of to buy.

Biology n.  The scientific study of the number two.

Burglarize n.  What a crook sees with.

Caesarean section n.  High rent district in Rome.

Carnation n.  A country where each citizen owns an automobile.
Catatonic n.  A feline medication.

Cat scan n.  A search for your wandering kitty.

Catacomb n.  What a feline uses to straighten its hair.

Cauterize v.  Made eye contact with her.

Circumvent n.  An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Coffee n.  The person upon whom one coughs.

Colander n.  Someone who arrives with you on the same plane.

Colic n.  A breed of sheep dog.

Counterfeiters n.  Workers who install kitchen cabinets.

Dilate n.  To live a long life.

Diode n.  Two very long poems.

Eclipse n.  What a Cockney barber does for a living.

Esplanade n.  To attempt an explanation while drunk.

Exercise n.  Her former body measurements.

Eyedropper n.  A clumsy opthalmologist.

Flabbergasted adj.  Appalled by realizing how much weight one has gained.

Flatulence n.  Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

Gargoyle n.  Olive flavored mouthwash.

Goad v.  Past tense of to go.

Hamletn.  A small pig.
Human n.  An automatic door opener for cats.

Impotent adj.  Distinguished, well known.

Incommodious n.  Unable to find a vacant bathroom in time. 

Infantry n.  Where mother birds lay their eggs.

Liquor n.  How a male animal cleans his mate.

Lymph v.  To walk with a lisp.

Malediction n.  The way men talk.

Maritime n.  The hour of a wedding. 

Medieval adj.  Not completely bad.
Myth n.  A female moth.

Negligent adj.  Absentmindedly answering the door wearing only a nightgown.

Nitrates  n.  Cheaper than day rates.
Node v.  Having prior knowledge.

Octopus  n.  A cat with eight legs.

Outpatient n.  Someone who has fainted in a doctor's office.

Oyster n.  Someone who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish phrases.

Parasites n.  What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Phony adj.  Related to telephones.

Quires n.  Instructional papers groups of singers hold while performing. 

Rectitude n.  The dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

Reintarnation n.  Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Relief v.  What trees do in the spring.

Scurrilous adj.  In an excited state (normally used to describe rodents).

Season n.  Male offspring of Poseidon.

Seizure n.  An alcoholic Roman emperor.

Sudafed v.  Brought a lawsuit against a government official.

Synonym n.  A linguist's favorite spice on baked apples.

Syntax n.  A tariff on immorality.

Testicle n.  A short quiz.

Tooth adj.  The ordinal number for two.

Tumor n.  One more than one more.

Urine v/n.  (A baseball term.)  The opposite of "Yer out!"

Job-less in Moncton?

My hands are shaking, I’m sweating, my sight is getting blurry, after almost a week without posting on the blog, and I’m having blog post withdrawal symptoms! I have been updating Facebook, but I stayed away from the blogs. I didn’t even read some of my favourite fellow blogger’s post nor commented on anything… today will be a day for catching up.

Yesterday was an emotionally charged day… Julie was being interviewed for a position at the University of Ottawa!

She has been working on a 3 year contract in Moncton (New-Brunswick).  We were very happy for her to have gotten this opportunity but we were sad to see her working so far from our hearts. As of now, her contract is ending at the end of March and might not be renewed.

Since she has accumulated leave, her last full week of work should be this week, next week she has 2 days of sitting on the senate committee where they are about to vote on some really important policy changes at the University of Moncton.

At this point, I don’t think anyone in Moncton is expecting her to do much work… however she is still doing her normal work load and is professional till the end. She also has to juggle between her priorities and her employer’s.

We are not worried about her, she has money put aside in an emergency fund in case she loses her job and she will also be eligible for unemployment for almost a year. We also know that she will not be unemployed long.  I remembered she took ONE summer off after obtaining her bachelor degree, but has been working ever since. Even while undertaking her master degree she was working.  When she completed it, she had money in the bank… and was NOT in debt.

Before leaving for Moncton after her master, she paid cash for a car and still had money in the bank that would make people in their fifties, jealous! What I’m really saying is that she is one responsible woman!

Yesterday her interview was being done via skype. I assume all of you know what skype is… She had first asked her boss if she could do this interview in one of the conference room. Being a prepared person, she brought a laptop, headsets (she had 2 pairs), extra video cam and in case there was a problem with the headsets, the laptop has a built-in speaker.

She got called at the pre-arranged time but she couldn’t hear them and they had problem hearing her… not the best way to start an interview! They ended up calling her and using skype only to see each other. On the Ottawa side there was a committee for the interview, so I imagine they had a speaker phone to be able to hear Julie.

After the interview, Julie wrote to us that it didn’t go as well as she would have thought. You know when you are interviewed you always feel like you failed, like you could have said more or said something differently… but Daddy knows best and I was sure she did just great and the next hour proved me right!

An hour after her interview, she received an email asking her to come in person for an interview and to give a presentation in Ottawa; on Friday March 7^th.  They will foot the bill for her air fare. This is when her priorities were being tested… She had the senate committee meeting on March 6 and 7^th and now she was asked to be in Ottawa for the 7^th… She had to decide whether she would ask the interviewer if she could reschedule the interview in Ottawa or not go to the Senate committee meeting. To me, it was not even close to being a choice. At this point, she has to take all the chances she can get. She would have been happy to stay in Moncton and have a long career but since it will probably not happen, she has to put herself first.

I see it a little like a hockey player, once he is told that he is being traded to another team he will not be playing that night.  He is expected to go to the dressing room and pick up his equipment. It doesn’t mater if he loveD his former team! He is now moving on and has to set his priorities straight, himself first, his future team second and third clear his locker!

After several hours of emailing back and forth with us, Julie decided to skip one day of the committee meeting and come to Ottawa for her formal interview and presentation. Her flight is already booked; I think she is really excited to be close to Mom, paw and her little sister, who happens to be working at the University of Ottawa.

If she doesn’t get the job… there might be a homeless shelter in Julie’s future! Ya right!