Tagline

This is not an express route. Where ever my mind travels to, the blog will ride shotgun.
This journey is mainly fuelled by humour!

Pages

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Sex, drugs and Christmas music (30 Shades of Christmas – 4)



Last night, I walked in a store, a liquor store! STOP judging me, where do you think I get my eggnogs, I also need a few bottles of Tequila for some mixes!

There was music playing:

I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night
She didn't see me down the stairs to have a peek
She thought that I was tucked up in my Bedroom fast asleep

It seems to be innocent enough but if you ever witness such an event, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE RIGHT AWAY, don’t look back, run as far and as fast as your legs allow you; it will not be me!

I don’t swing for that team, I am hetero. Kissing other women is just not something I do, no matter how many eggnogs I’ve had. It would be like throwing up in my mouth kind of sensation.

Now boys and girls I think it’s a good time to have the ‘sex talk’. No one ever associate my services with me being serviced… I’m only super human and I also have need.

You know I give a lot, while every one is in a festive mood. I’m out there in the cold all night working on deliveries. Do I get anything in return? NO! No one ever brings me a gift. OK there are cookies and milk, but let me tell you, I can go to Costco and get fresher cookies than the stale ones that have been sitting out all evening, the ones that do survive the family pets. But I still can’t tell if any of them have been licked, chewed, or played with.

As a woman, when I’m off duty, I don’t mind a little roll in the hay. Not the Reindeer hay LOL! I don’t have one of those things that a lot of women own… pleeeease don’t have a twisted mind, I’m not talking about toys, I’m talking about a husband.

So once in a while I go to a bar, meet someone with big feet and voila, we go to the nearest Motel.

The day after, we congratulate each other for a job well done, exchange phony phone number, take two aspirins and never see each other again. Darn I still have this song in my head…

Then, I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white.
Oh, what a laugh it would have been,
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night!

To be continued…

7 comments:

  1. Well, you certainly can have this private life. Why not? And okay, no cookies for you this year? How about a sandwich instead? Or a gift certificate to your favourite store?

    P.S - You know that the 'big feet' theory is a myth, don't you? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What do you mean it's a myth, you should see my....... feet ha ha ha ha ha

      Delete
    2. Thank you Martha, I knew us girl could understand each other.

      Very thoughtful of you to add some variety to my diet... this year I might stop by your home :)

      RICHARD be good!

      Krissie

      Delete
  2. Oh please.... you make my eggnog curdle before it hits the glass...

    Santa is immune to pet licking his food. He'll eat it anyway to keep belly round and to keep his pants up.

    Don't worry, my mommy is gone to heaven so there will no Santa kissing my Mommy behind my Daddy's back cause, he gone to heaven too. Up there, she knows what's going on and she'll be protecting me from fake Santas...

    Talking about FAKE Santas... I'm wondering why each time I'm sending you ( who ever you are) a comment, I get a failure to deliver email in my Spam box saying that it appears a fake email was sent to me. It happens every time I send a comment to your blog. So are you a fake?

    Little JB


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Julia,

      I just don’t know how to help you believe, Santa is not a ‘he’. I really thought you were one of the three wise women, am I mistaking?

      Krissie doesn’t eat food contaminate by family pet! She doesn’t even have a round belly, she think that too much cookies make her look fat.

      Seriously, do you get email from other blogs? I have no idea how this is possible! I don’t get email when I posted somewhere else. Few years back, I changed my email on my account, but it seems to be working.

      Delete
  3. If you like big feet, you should try and meet Sasquatch. He comes to my weekly Hairy Toes Anonymous meetings. Real nice guy, except for the ape breath.

    - Hairy Toes

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Hairy Toes,

      There is big feet and there is snow shoes... LOL I was not aware of those anonymous meetings for hairy toes. For your friend breath, I recommended that he lick couple of Christmas tree (the natural one of course)

      Delete