Group Therapy

Today I had my post almost done… I changed my mind and will post that one later. One of the subjects was about statistics. I don’t know why or where but my mind was working on something else about statistics…

On the top right corner, there is a map. The map shows every one that has been to the blog since I installed this app (2 days). The latest count is 26 visitors that read it so far. I was thinking that if all of you had been in a room to listen about me, from me, I would have frozen. I can talk in front of a group about subjects that are not personal, but when it comes to me, I am closed on personal matter.

It is not in me to use myself as an “example”, but because of the blog, I do it. It is not within my comfort zone, I would rather have teeth pulled out but in the blog I want to be opened.

I know that the main reason is that I don’t feel entitlement to be “someone” for others. When I was a kid, my mom’s nickname for me was: “Grosse loche” which translate as “Fat snail”. I was a neglected child… I won’t go into details, but, when I was a kid, I didn’t know I was neglected, it was when I had children of my own that I started to understand. Strange but what I want to do the most right this minute is to defend myself… or probably rather defend the child.

I don’t have any contact with anyone from my family. It has been this way for over 15 years. I don’t even know if my mom is still alive. Just to show you how unconnected I am. The trigger event was one phone call… My mom called to ask me if I could lend her, and one of my brother, money. I did! However, the interest rate was outrageous… I wanted to get some answers. Never the less, I didn’t get answers… well I got one: “Richard I don’t want to talk about the past”. It’s not the call in itself that got me on my way… it is all the other times when there was no call.

At the time, she called for her need, my wife and I had been together for 18 years, I had one child that was 11 years old and the other 9. My mom never called for their birthday or for any holiday, never bothered to send a card, a gift, anything. She didn’t even know their names. She probably didn’t even know my wife’s name too. I didn’t care about me, but I would not put up with having my kids neglected.

I forgive and don’t hold any grudges with them. During the past 15 years, if she would have called, I would have answered and listened! But, like before, the phone didn’t ring and I am not waiting for it to ring.   

This post is not about that, this post today is about thanking the people that are in my life, thanking also those 26 visitors that take time to read. I would be expected to be humble… but I’m NOT! I am so glad that people take time to read what I say, I keep looking at the stats and just can’t believe that perfect strangers, can enjoy enough about me that they come back. I am really proud and to tell you the truth… I barely touch the ground when I see this.

I am smiling… and I’m thanking all of you